Meet Saki

by Caz Morton

Meet my black, sassy brother in Christ! We have so much in common – we both love fashion, are black, love Jesus and have bodies of steel. Meet Saki (this story has been written with permission).

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As I was editing the above image, my mate looked over & said jokingly, “wow! Saki is a poser & full of sass. I love this guy!” And we do all love him. I can see how much God has grown him through the relationships he’s built in Kids EE. I can also see how God has protected his life, equipping him for a ministry to a niche of people who are often not reached.

I arrived in Fiji with a wall up – the road in Tonga was bumpy for personal reasons, but Saki flawed me. God unexpectantly put him in my path & I’m so grateful He did. We connected immediately with our love for fashion, and that’s without even sharing and connecting with the deepest parts of our Christian walk.

Saki has plenty of reasons to walk away from God & complain, considering what he has faced in life. I asked Saki about struggles and he didn’t hesitate as his eyes lit up while he shared how God had kept him alive. We bonded over shared, messy health experiences, in particular how people’s attitudes change when you something is physically wrong. Unlike Saki, mine is now invisible, but there was a time my injury was public – when I was in my back brace for 5 months. This caused relationships to change drastically. It was as if I had caught the black plague, apparently unapproachable. Or, as Saki said you get “those pity eyes” as the norm. When an accident occurs, it’s hard to see how it affects your family & friends. You know they want to help, but you have this underlying guilt of ‘I don’t want them to have to go through this or bare my burden’. Guilt: it’s an emotion Satan loves to vandalise and explore, however, it’s a reality you have to come to terms within your own walk. However, there is great power over darkness and shame when you have people who understand your unique situations.

Saki had bone cancer when he was 10. They amputated his leg, although, in hindsight, they could have saved his leg. This angered me so much, but Saki was quick to say “I wouldn’t change it, what God has taught me, I would never change. It’s given me opportunities I never would have had and helped me to see God in a different light.” He had cancer again 13 years ago but praise God for remission over a decade. He shared with me struggles with self-image, his purpose when he was younger and being picked on for being different. I wish my 15-year-old self was in Fiji when Saki was ten – I would have cartwheeled into the bullies face, held Saki’s hand & prayed the bullies away in Jesus name. But he didn’t need a protective sister, he has a protective Heavenly Father. Having those struggles forced Saki to trust God and fix his eyes on Jesus saving plans. He is clothed in the armour of God (Eph 6:10-18) & when adversity comes he’s equipped in multitudes. People better watch out!

Saki is also the eldest of 6 & has a heart for serving in kids ministry (another reason we connected). I think if he could, he would adopt half of India, as I would with Sri Lanka. I love how God has been equipping him for a huge ministry, meanwhile, he resides in Fiji. Please pray for opportunities to share his unique faith story. What made my heart bounce was whilst on mission is when he shared with our Kids group “I can’t sit around worrying when I’m alive. God has helped me survive every day to possibly help someone else in need who might be struggling the same way.” What Joy God brings in the life of my brother Saki, he’s touched my life on so many levels, he is all S.A.S.S. in a good way:

Saki:
Saved
Amputee
Survivor
Servant

God has protected us both in similar ways, the emotional scars are healing & both being restored (2 Cor 5). For now, will continue to survive in Jesus name.

 

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Meet The Writer: Caz Morton 

Adopted by Grace, adopted from Sri Lanka.
Past handstand queen,
Proud member of the fashion police.
Recovering spinal and sternum injuries.
Follow@jeanellen on Instagram,

A Psalm: for Depression

Mighty God, Powerful Saviour;

My heart is breaking at its very core.
    When I look at the sinfulness and brokenness of this world,
    the injustice and hypocrisy –

    I just want to leave it all behind, forever.

My body is so tired and weary –
    every movement aches
    every motion is laborsome.
A knot sits in the pit of my stomach –
    I’m nauseous.
    I’ve stopped eating.
I wake during the night –

    my sleep is restless, fragmented.

My brain has turned against me –
    it has become my enemy.
    It has betrayed me,
    it is trying to kill me,
    it wants me to die –

I have no greater enemy than myself.

I am lost,
I am torn,
I am broken,
I am hurting, and

I feel stuck in the depths of this pit of despair.

But you, Lord, you hear my cry,
    you read my thoughts,
    you feel my pain, my anguish –
and you never abandon me,

    you never leave me alone in the mess.

Lord, please deliver me –
    rescue me from myself

    and the web of lies my brain has caught me in.

Lord, lift my soul from this darkness

    and bring me into your glorious light.

Lord, show me your loving kindness –
    your mercy and compassion.

Don’t leave me alone and abandoned in this lifeless pit.

Lord, please remind me
    of your glorious deeds
    and perfect promises

as you fulfil them every day.

I know the day of the Your return is near!
    But please protect and preserve me
    during these dark hours of the night,
that I may not be destroyed in my despair.

 

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Watercolour cloud painted by Alexandra Ellen on 29.1.18

The Why of Bloging

This post was originally posted as “The Why”  page on WordPress

Since I’ve started writing more regularly, I’ve been asking myself, Why?

Why Blog? Why share my life? Why talk about super personal stuff? Why do I want people to read my stories? Why publish my thoughts online for anyone to read? Why bother?

The writer of Ecclesiastes sums it up perfectly in verse two, “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.“Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

Without God, everything is meaningless. Without a greater plan and purpose, my life is in vain. This truth has greater weight within the context of the suffering and pain I’ve experienced daily for over 15 years, courtesy of Severs Disease, Chronic Depression, Anxiety, PCOS, Endometriosis, Regional Complex Pain Syndrome and various forms/degrees of abuse. My goal in blogging is not to play the victim, nor is it to insight a pitiful ‘woe is Alex’ response – it is simply to help me comprehend and convey my reality – my life.

Surely, there is a purpose. Surely, these icky circumstances can be used for good. Surely, this pain isn’t going to end merely with just being eaten by worms. Surely there is something bigger at play. There just has to be.

One of my beautiful friends recently said to me, “although I don’t have the same beliefs, I truly believe you would be dead if it weren’t for your faith in God.” She is right. If this is all for nothing, if it is all in vain, why endure this pain any longer than I have to?

Faith.

Romans 8:28-30 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many
brothers. 
And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

I believe this is not ‘it’. I believe in the ultimate glorification of Jesus, my Lord, and Saviour. I believe my creator can use any and all situations for good. I have hope, tangible hope that the choices I make today on earth have eternal consequences and hope that ‘this’ isn’t all there is. I eagerly look forward to the day my soul will rest with my creator, and I will be perfectly healed. There will be no more sickness, no more sadness, no more selfishness and ultimately, no more sin.

My fundamental goal in life is to use what God has given me to bring glory to Him. ‘What God has given me’ includes spiritual gifts and blessings, talents, passions, revelation, wisdom, and life experience. My desire is to use these as gifts as tools to help build God’s Kingdom, but it has taken a long time to see my life experience as a good thing.

I want to share my story because it’s a story of hope. In an individualistic society, we can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel alone. This feeling is often compounded when isolation increases due to chronic illness. I want you to know you are not alone. There are other people who ‘get it’ and you shouldn’t be afraid, to be honest. Most people live in ignorance, but if you can be encouraged to be truthful, there is a strong chance understanding can lead to empathy.

As Christians we are called to love – love God and love each other. God, throughout most of Biblical history, has told His people to show compassion and look after the sick and vulnerable. I truly believe that genuinely listening to someone evolves into compassionate understanding and awareness which then leads to supporting and loving that person.

This is the motivation to be as honest as I possibly can because I know I am not alone. I know too many women who want their horrible periods to be validated. I know too many people who isolate themselves due to depression. I know too many individuals who struggle to get out of bed because they’re in great pain. If you can understand someone’s illness even a smidgen more, you demonstrate love to them.

Imagine being able to tell someone ‘you matter to me because you matter to God’ by simply listening to them. Imagine being the first person to express ‘I believe your pain is real, I know you’re not faking it.’ Imagine being able to show people what Jesus is like by being more aware of how to support someone in a practical and helpful way. Unfortunately, we cannot read minds, which is why educating yourself and learning how people are affected by adversity can show true empathy, compassion, and love. I know when I hear someone mention an illness they have I want to find out as much information as I can. I feel like I can better support them if I understand them, even if it’s just a little bit.

2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he [The Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I am weak. I am flawed. I have blemishes. I am far from perfect. I had the opportunity to have my blog, The Five Stages of Endometriosis shared by a few different groups. One of them was Endo Active, who, even after their edit left this part in, “I’ve always been extremely grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive family, both earthly and spiritual. God has sustained, challenged and strengthened me. I praise Him every day for giving me His Spirit, Jesus sacrifice, and Gods love. I give thanks for some tangible hope as I eagerly await the perfect and restored body I’ll have in the New Creation.” Had I not openly shared my story and my life in such a raw and honest way, I would have not had the opportunity to proclaim Christ, my true hope. When I [admit my faults, my failings, my struggle and] decrease, He increases.