Bad Mental Health Day

Some days are better than others. Some days feel like an impossibility to get through – you’re sapped of energy, of purpose, of initiative, of drive and of hope. You don’t know if tomorrow will be harder or easier, so you do your best to look after yourself as time slowly passes by. That’s depression.

Self Compassion Henry

Henry has learnt how to be an expert at self compassion; choosing to ignoring the internal and external critics and instead, showing himself kindness, grace and acceptance.

We are constantly being compared and comparing ourselves to others. We see our sufferings as weakness. We see mistakes as failures and our illnesses as brokenness. We are constantly believing we are not good enough. I call bull-crap. They’re LIES! All lies.

To endure suffering is strength, to feel emotions makes us human, to persevere makes us strong and to measure ourselves up to no one but ourselves is freedom. The reality is that crap that is out of our control happens all the time. We all have bad, hard, painful and unbearable seasons in life. So instead of beating yourself up (or allowing others to do it for you), remind yourself; you’re doing the best you can, emotions are okay, you’re not perfect (and that’s not only alright, but what makes you human) and that you’re pretty, freaking amazing.

Begin practicing self compassion by putting your hand over your heart and saying to yourself, “may I know kindness. May I know grace. May I know happiness. May I be at peace. May I be at rest. May I know love. May I know empathy. May I show myself compassion.” Or “I am suffering. I am being kind to myself and giving myself permission to feel whatever emotions I am experiencing.

Be like Henry, learn the skill of self compassion. Be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up! Self-compassion has been a life changing skill for Henry as he manages depression and FND.


Spiritual reflection

For those who believe in God, remember he is a compassionate God, who continually shows compassion to his people.

Is. 49:3 – Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Jesus is the perfect example of this… oh, and we are also made in His image and are called to imitate His character.

Col. 3:12 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

So, let’s follow God and show compassion to everyone, including ourselves.


Some more information/resources on the concept of self-compassion:

Self-Care Day!

Self care is so important & Henry agrees… so we are spending the morning at home, drinking Choc Mint tea from a beautiful pot and cup, watching Netflix and doing some art.

Never forget to practice self-compassion and look after yourself.

Meet Henry

Meet Henry.

I created him at an Access Arts workshop. He has a depressive disorder & FND. He also loves pink flowers, art, the theatre, chocolate, going on adventures and talking about uncomfortable but important issues.

Keep an eye out for his fun adventures – he’s just taken a trip to space to spread awareness & break stigma about mental illness across the galaxy.

You’re alive. You’ve survived. You got this.”

While I was looking at the 5kgs I put on during my 5 week hospital stay and thinking about the fact I had been in a mental hospital for 5 weeks, I was beating myself up… but then that small, kind compassionate voice reminded me, “you’re alive. You’ve survived. You got this.”

If you’re in recovery be kind to and nurture yourself. Remember; you’re alive. You’ve survived. You can do this.

Six Hidden Realities of Living with Chronic Pelvic Pain

First, a warning without apology: this is a TMI post, discussing six hidden and very uncomfortable aspects of the pelvic pain experience.

No one likes pain and no one can begin to comprehend the experience of chronic pain until you’ve been hit with it. It’s uncomfortable, frustrating, incurable, exhausting and life altering. The chronic pain train also drags behind it carriages filled with medication side effects, fatigue, painsomnia, specialist visits, unemployment, disability, isolation, poverty and mental illness.

But chronic pelvic pain, by its very nature and location, adds a new dimension of humiliation, shame, violation and stigma. Pelvic Pain can be caused by conditions such as Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, fibroids, scar tissue, PCOS, Ulcerative Colitis, miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, Vestibulitis, Vaginismus, Vulvodynia, prolapse and poorly executed episiotomy stitches (yeah, there are a lot of reasons, and this isn’t an exhaustive list). In Australia, approximately 1 in 4 women between the ages of 16 and 24 have a long-term pelvic condition, while 1 in 12 men exhibit pelvic pain in the absence of a medical condition. So, in light of Pelvic Pain Awareness Month, here is a list of ‘hidden’ realities for women (and I’m sure men can relate too) that come with having chronic pelvic pain.

1. Your “Private Parts” Don’t Feel so Private

I don’t know any woman who likes getting a Pap-Smear or internal ultrasound; it’s awkward, uncomfortable and makes you feel vulnerable – but most of the time you have to do it if you want to maintain your good physical health. When going to the doctor with a pelvic pain complaint, they tend to examine the site of pain, some of this can happen by pressing on the abdomen, but a lot of it has to happen through an internal examination – yup, someone’s fingers poking and prodding in an already sore and tender vagina. Something which is supposed to be personal and private can suddenly gain a large audience in a small amount of time.

It was a sobering thought when I realised I have only had one sexual partner, yet I’ve lost count of the number of people (well, health professionals) who have put their fingers inside of me (charming, I know). 

2. Taboo

It’s fairly simple to explain that, “my knee is killing me because I’ve done my ACL,” “I have to stretch regularly because I have a slipped disk” or ”my left side is sore from a hip replacement.” Good luck trying to tell someone your cervix is cramping, that you have a stabbing pain stemming from your vagina, or that sharp pains are radiating from your clitoris without coming across crude, rude and totally inappropriate.

It’s not kosher to talk about your genitals, reproductive organs and sexual health. People don’t want to say the words and others want to hear them even less. It’s just too taboo. The problem is, when you bow down to stigma and stay silent, important issues go unspoken, unnecessary shame is projected and necessary medical treatment does unsought – and this is not okay. Everyone should be encouraged to seek medical advice for any persistent pain. Everyone should be given the basic human right of being heard when communicating their pain experience to others.

3. It Goes Undiagnosed and it’s Extremely Hard (and uncomfortable) to Treat

Referring back to the female reproductive system being a ‘taboo’ subject, I believe this is one of the reasons medical research in this area is lagging and why many GP’s are unaware of pelvic pain causing conditions. It’s also the reason why many suffer in silence, putting off seeking medical help and making the epidemic appear less severe than what it is.

But when someone finally decides to seek a diagnosis and treatment, it’s not a matter of having a blood test. The first step is usually an internal examination which is painful physically and can make one emotionally vulnerable. This can be true for teenagers, people who aren’t sexually active and especially true for those who have experienced sexual abuse/trauma. Treating the pelvic floor can be even harder for men, as the only way to directly and internally examine and treat a male with pelvic floor pain is through the anus.

Conditions like Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, fibroids and scar tissue find their most accurate diagnosis and effective treatment in surgery. For these and many more reasons, both men and women can spend years going from doctor to doctor, desperate for a diagnosis.

When you finally have a diagnosis, treatment can feel just as difficult, inconvenient, painful, distressing and violating. Once a medical condition has been treated, there is often residual muscle tension and nerves can become over sensitised to pain signals, which results in a Chronic Pain Syndrome in the pelvic region. The best treatment option I’ve found to reduce muscle tension, spasms and desensitise the nerves in the pelvis is seeing a specialised pelvic physiotherapy. Treatment from a Pelvic PT can include a pelvic remedial massage, the use of Vaginal Dilators and internal TENS unit). I have recently begun researching pelvic botox injections, and it seems to be having positive results.

My point is, managing any chronic illness and pain is difficult but trying to diagnose and treat pain in the pelvis has it’s own ‘special’ difficulties and frustrations.

4. Sex: a Painful Chore

Sex is meant to be pleasurable, bringing two people closer together physically, emotionally and relationally. However, it’s hard to enjoy sex, reaping its benefits in a relationship when it exacerbates pain. Some people experience pain during penetration due to a tight pelvic floor. For other women, any kind of sexual arousal and activity can cause a great deal of pain too. Others experience orgasms that, instead of bringing euphoria and a physical release that relaxes the body, turns each nerve ending of the pleasure centre into a vicious postman, delivering a package of pain to the rest of your body. In relation to women, the clitoris has over 8,000 sensory nerve endings (twice as many as men) which can affect up to 15,000 more nerve endings in the pelvic area. That means the pelvis is already a very sensitive area for women and when pain is involved, all those nerve endings act like speakers in a radio, elevating the sound of pain signals 

Bottomline, Pelvic Pain can make it hard to find any pleasure in sex at all – and that’s not fun at all!

5. It’s Rarely Localised

The pelvic floor is connected to muscles and ligaments that attach to the hips, groin, thighs, buttock and lower back. Therefore, pelvic pain is usually accompanied by pain in these areas. Sitting or lying in a position that alleviates pain from the pelvis usually can increase pain somewhere else in the body.

Pelvic pain can also have an impact on bladder and bowel functions. Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Internal Cystitis also piggyback on other conditions I’ve mentioned above. 

When a girl’s gotta go, she’s gotta go! If my bladder is full, pain increases. Many Pelvic Pain causing conditions results in painful urination, frequent UTI’s and incontinence – the embarrassment just keeps on keeping on. Until a few years ago, going to the toilet was agonising because I had a lump of scar tissue between my cervix and rectum. And the longer I left it, the worse it got, so I avoided drinking fluids and was constantly dehydrated. I still have times when I experience sharp bladder pain, so on occasions, I use the disabled toilets – it’s not because I’m rude, lazy or inconsiderate – it’s because I actually need to use the bathroom ASAP.

6. It’s Expensive

If a GP doesn’t have the expertise to properly diagnose and treat you, referrals are necessary for proper care. You can’t just see a general gynaecologist, you need someone who specialises in your medical condition. You can’t just see a physiotherapist, you have to see a physio who has specialised in treating the pelvic floor. If pelvic pain impacts your sexual relationships, seeing a relationship counsellor who has experience in sex therapy can also be an expensive necessity for the longevity of the relationship. Medical appointments are expensive, specialists are even more so.

Yeah… so, please remember that vagina, clitoris and anus aren’t ‘naughty words,’ they’re just nouns describing body parts that 50% & 100% of the population have.

If you are experiencing pelvic pain, you’re not alone, there are others who understand the emotional toll it takes. I hope you can find safe people with whom you can be vulnerable and speak honestly about your struggles and frustrations.

Haven’t got Pelvic Pain? Be a safe person for someone who does. I hope that when you meet people who have chronic pain you are kind and compassionate… and next time you speak with someone who has pelvic pain, I hope you can empathise with the extra burden it carries. We already struggle daily with shame, taboo and awkward-turtles that come with Pelvic Pain, please, be a legend, listen with an open mind, don’t judge, empathise and be kind.

Have I missed anything? Please share and contribute to the discussion if I have!

If you’d like more information on living with pelvic pain, here are a few websites with helpful information:
Pelvic Pain Foundation of Austalia
Pelvic Pain SA
Australian Pain Management Association
International Pelvic Pain Society

Meet Dotti

So I finally got myself a new brain! Meet Annie’s sister, Dotti! Nothing like an adorable plush brain for comfort, positive association and mental illness awareness!

#awareness #breakingstigma #mentalillnessawareness #depression #brain #allyouneedislobe #iheartguts #iheartgutsplush #dottiadventures

‘Am I OK?’ today? Well, Life’s Slowed Down.

It is “R U OK? Day” today.

Am I okay? Yes. I think so. I will be.

Am I sad, overwhelmed, exhausted and ‘bleh’ with blood-shot eyes? Yes.

My Opa passed away today. It’s sad and I’m grieving. But I’m okay. The doctor assured us that his death was painless and peaceful.

He had a heart attack on Sunday (ironically, Fathers Day), which revealed he also had pneumonia and kidney failure. Opa could have had a few long, drawn out weeks where his body slowly shut down – but God was merciful. All his grandkids and children were able to see him the day before he passed. Then after only a couple of days in hospital, he fell asleep early this morning and never woke up. It wasn’t a sudden-shock, but was quick. In his words, yes, ‘he kicked the bucket’ (and one day we all will), but it was painless, peaceful, he knew he was loved and even got to have a beer on his last night. This is just the surface of how things seemed to ‘worked out for the best’ and I have witnessed and experienced God’s goodness, mercy and grace in a whole new way.

As a teenager, I watched a close family friend pass away and had a church brother pass away after a motorbike accident – but this is the first time I’ve experienced the death of a family member and it’s surreal. It has shocked me that as his world stopped, mine (and my family’s) slowed down while the world continues on, as it was yesterday and as it will tomorrow.

As my family I sat down with a cuppa (just after we said our final good-bye) and we were mincing our words – a fly on the wall would think we were talking jibberish. We kept dropping things and walking down the hallway, forgetting that we just needed to use the bathroom. Then mum and I finished our evening with a quick trip to coles to pick up some (much needed) cheese and milk. We came home with $30 worth of groceries, some cider, 2 parcels from the pharmacy, no cheese and the wrong kind of milk. Grief distracts you, tires you and takes up so much of your brain. Time feels like it’s gone so quickly and dragged on at the same time.

Mr Google told me that approximately 151,600 people have their world just ‘stop’ every day. If you estimate each individual has 4 people who love them, 606, 400 people have their lives slow down every single day – and grief can be overwhelming for days, weeks and months. At least 4.24 million people a week have their lives slow down because (approx.) 1 million lives stop. That’s a lot of grieving people, walking through the day, a little bit slower than the rest of the world, very distracted with a blend of apathy and sorrow.

And death isn’t the only cause of grief – people lose jobs, pets, marriages, their health and loved ones in other ways, every day. People can have their lives turn over and slowed down due to ill health, mental illness, medications, infertility, waiting for test results or simply receiving some bad, life changing news.

You never know what someone is feeling, experiencing, processing and suffering with as you encounter them. You don’t know what is going on for the ‘rude person’ who hardly notices knocking you off your feet in the street, for the friend who didn’t reply to your text, for the shop attendant who gives you the wrong change, or the driver who cuts you off on the highway.

Can I encourage you to show compassion, empathy and understanding to those you encounter? Give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe, their world has just slowed down. You just don’t know and the only way you will is if you ask.

So, you know how I am going today. What about you? R U OK?

Conversations With Healthy People #1: The Amusing, ‘Really?’

It’s days like today when I’m struggling to summon the energy to be a ‘functioning human being’ that I remember an honest and genuine conversation I had with one of my teenagers during Bible study a few months ago.

I recall this conversation to remind myself of God’s grace, strength and sustaining power that gets me through each day. It’s an encouragement to continue being honest about life, even when it’s painful and sucky. I must confess, it amuses me (greatly) and makes me giggle a little on the inside.

I also find comfort knowing that I can come back and read it whenever I need to.

We were discussing how God uses suffering to deepen our relationship with Him, better understand faith, build His Kingdom and bring Jesus glory. For the sake of application, I briefly mentioned that these truths give me hope, even though I am in pain every day…

…another interruption (but a welcomed one)…

“So, you’re really in pain?”
“Yes.”

“All the time?”
“Uh, huh.”

“You don’t look like you’re in pain.”
“I know.”

“Wait! You were in pain on Friday night?”
“Correct.”

“Are you saying that you’re actually in pain, right now?”
“You’ve got it.”

“…Like, now-now? Standing there?”
“Yup…”

and then he slumped back into his chair with a sympathetic bewilderment written on his face. I think he started to understand, which I am grateful for, even if it was just a little.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation, and it probably won’t be the last. So, I’ll continue to embrace the small opportunities to encourage open and honest dialogue. Conversations that develop empathy and grace to spur one another on to rely on God and persevere in suffering for the sake of God’s kingdom.

2 Timothy 2:10 (NLT) “So I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.”

 

Speak Up

As long as we remain silent, society remains ignorant. We can empower others and ourselves by sharing truth in love! #speakup #behonest #endsilence #breakingstigma

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#speaktruth #love #mentalhealth #depression #chronicpain #endometriosis #endthesilence #chronicillness #awareness #jesus #truth #endthesilence