Having a healthy relationship with your emotions is hard. Like, really hard. They can be erratic and irrational and seem to be our driving force. Other times we try to control and suppress them. Finding a healthy balance between the two extremes – emotions controlling me and me controlling emotions – is hard… and often exhausting!
Our feelings are valid. We have been given emotions so our body can communicate with us. If we feel fearful, we know to look for safety. If we feel guilt, we are motivated to make amends for a wrong we have caused. If we feel happy, we can enjoy blessing and rejoice. If we allow ourselves to feel emotions as they come, we can stop trying to control them.
On the other hand, feelings are not facts and we do not have to be at their mercy. Feelings are not fact, they internal responses. A fact is a thing that is known or proved to be true. It is objective and outside of ourselves. In order that feelings don’t control us, can allow ourselves to feel what we feel but remain able to check the facts.
Compassion is to “suffer with” someone; showing kindness, empathy and understanding. Self-Compassion is when we extend that same kindness & empathy to ourselves when we are suffering. It is acknowledging that “this is really hard right now” and giving yourself permission to feel & seek comfort.
One way that I practice self-compassion in the midst of illness & suffering is to take some slow, deep breaths and say to myself,
“May I know peace,
May I know love,
May I know joy,
May I know grace,
May I know forgiveness,
May I know acceptance.”
All these mercies, God lavishes upon us through the love of Jesus. So, when showing kindness to myself seems impossible, I can remember how God looks at me and my suffering. I accept His compassion and extend it to myself. As a result, it can lower distress and increase my emotional well-being.
At the end of 2014, I had been experienced chronic pelvic pain for nearly 4 years from Endometriosis. I was about to leave my job because I was too unwell. My marriage was broken and in disarray. I had gained 25kg’s. My self-confidence had plummeted and I had lost hope. It felt like I was at war with this insidious disease and it had one. However, I sought support from other women with Endo and found an incredible sisterhood – particularly online. As a result, I wrote a song about living with and fighting Endometriosis.
About three years ago I had the opportunity to be interviewed for a documentary. Last night I had the privilege to sit in a room with my fellow Endo Sisters and their supporters and watch the finished product, Endo & Us. I also had my first opportunity to sing this song, ‘Endo Warriors’ for an audience, as well as share some of my journey on the panel.
I will share the link to the movie when it’s uploaded at the end of the week 🙂
I promised I’d make the song available tonight, so, here it is 🙂
In the video you will see I messed it up midway through. I was assured it just added to the performance, mimicking real life 😅.
Endo Warriors
So many times, you’ve heard me complain about my life, that’s devoured by pain From my waking moment, ’til I fall asleep at night Endometriosis consumes my life
But I’ve found some comfort, for there are women who share, give understanding, kindness and empathetic care:
and we are warriors and we will fight together We are sisters and will persevere We’re united with hope in our hearts, wearing gloves of faith we will not give up – as we fight to put an end to endo.
Some symptoms have plagued us for years and we’ve lost count of the times it’s caused tears. Our bodies don’t function the way they should and our relationships are strained, we’re so misunderstood.
But we’ve found other sisters, with whom we share, give understanding, kindness and empathetic care:
For we are warriors and we will fight together We are sisters and will persevere We’re united with hope in our hearts, wearing gloves of faith we will not give up – as we fight to put an end to endo.
We’ll fight for the future We’ll fight for a cure We’ll call for more research We’ll courageously endure!
For we are warriors and we will fight together We are sisters and will persevere We’re united with hope in our hearts, wearing gloves of faith we will not give up – as we fight to put an end to endo.
Purchase “Endo Warriors”
You can purchase an MP3 copy of “Endo Warriors” here. You will receive an MP3 file of the song e-mailed straight to your inbox within 3 business days.
Henry has learnt how to be an expert at self compassion; choosing to ignoring the internal and external critics and instead, showing himself kindness, grace and acceptance.
We are constantly being compared and comparing ourselves to others. We see our sufferings as weakness. We see mistakes as failures and our illnesses as brokenness. We are constantly believing we are not good enough. I call bull-crap. They’re LIES! All lies.
To endure suffering is strength, to feel emotions makes us human, to persevere makes us strong and to measure ourselves up to no one but ourselves is freedom. The reality is that crap that is out of our control happens all the time. We all have bad, hard, painful and unbearable seasons in life. So instead of beating yourself up (or allowing others to do it for you), remind yourself; you’re doing the best you can, emotions are okay, you’re not perfect (and that’s not only alright, but what makes you human) and that you’re pretty, freaking amazing.
Begin practicing self compassion by putting your hand over your heart and saying to yourself, “may I know kindness. May I know grace. May I know happiness. May I be at peace. May I be at rest. May I know love. May I know empathy. May I show myself compassion.” Or “I am suffering. I am being kind to myself and giving myself permission to feel whatever emotions I am experiencing.”
Be like Henry, learn the skill of self compassion. Be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up! Self-compassion has been a life changing skill for Henry as he manages depression and FND.
Spiritual reflection
For those who believe in God, remember he is a compassionate God, who continually shows compassion to his people.
Is. 49:3 – Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
Jesus is the perfect example of this… oh, and we are also made in His image and are called to imitate His character.
Col. 3:12 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
So, let’s follow God and show compassion to everyone, including ourselves.
Some more information/resources on the concept of self-compassion:
Self care is so important & Henry agrees… so we are spending the morning at home, drinking Choc Mint tea from a beautiful pot and cup, watching Netflix and doing some art.
Never forget to practice self-compassion and look after yourself.
Henry is wishing you a happy easter!!! As he celebrates Jesus rising from the dead, he is also thinking about his own resurrected body – and it’s pretty awesome!
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice so we can have hope! Come Lord Jesus, come!
I created him at an Access Arts workshop. He has a depressive disorder & FND. He also loves pink flowers, art, the theatre, chocolate, going on adventures and talking about uncomfortable but important issues.
Keep an eye out for his fun adventures – he’s just taken a trip to space to spread awareness & break stigma about mental illness across the galaxy.
While I was looking at the 5kgs I put on during my 5 week hospital stay and thinking about the fact I had been in a mental hospital for 5 weeks, I was beating myself up… but then that small, kind compassionate voice reminded me, “you’re alive. You’ve survived. You got this.”
If you’re in recovery be kind to and nurture yourself. Remember; you’re alive. You’ve survived. You can do this.
Having a healthy relationship with your emotions is hard. Like, really hard. They can be erratic and irrational and seem to be our driving force. Other times we try to control and suppress them. Finding a healthy balance between the two extremes – emotions controlling me and me controlling emotions – is hard… and often exhausting!
While I was looking at the 5kgs I put on during my 5 week hospital stay and thinking about the fact I had been in a mental hospital for 5 weeks, I was beating myself up… but then that small, kind compassionate voice reminded me, “you’re alive. You’ve survived. You got this.”