Dude, that’s heavy!

I’ve gained approximately 20-25kgs in just over two years. I say approx because I haven’t been on the scales in months, I am too scared to see the number. I mean, I feel uncomfortable in my body, I KNOW I’ve been gaining weight. I get it. 

I have been to multiple specialists, both for the endo/pain and for my mental health. They love to talk to me as if my “real” problem is that I’m just overweight. Ironically, I’m “clinically obese” courtesy of endometriosis. “You need to do more vigorous exercise,” as if I haven’t tried before and been crippled by pain, if not during, then after. I’ve been trying to go for regular, gentle walks – but it doesn’t seem good enough. Sure, I could eat better, but it’s not as easy as it sounds, particularly when it’s hard to enjoy anything and the sweet and beautiful taste of chocolate gives me a small sense of enjoyment.

In saying this, I’m not disregarding, or even trying to justify the that I haven’t made the best choices over the last two year to maintain a healthier weight. I know I have to take responsibility for my actions. But, I tell ya what, it’s flipping hard!

So, Alex, if this is my life for however long, how will I get myself down to a healthy weight and maintain it? Well, that’s a good question, Alex. I am going to be more faithful in my adherence to “Lite’n’Easy” and I’ll actually go to the gym, with my medical certificate. I’ll organise an appointment with a female trainer, empathetic to my condition. So here is it, in writing – I am now accountable to cyberspace to do so.

Good-luck Alex. In the meantime I’ll try to remind myself that I am beautiful and dearly loved by my creator no matter how much I weigh. 

A final comment: I always felt heavy/bigger growing up, especially compared to my friends. But I look at myself now, over 100kgs and a size 22, and would do almost anything to get back to the way I was. One day, Alex, one day.

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